I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
