i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
