does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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