u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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