it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
