I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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