i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
