My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
