Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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