You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
there's paper in my vomit.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
