There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize