I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
