I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
