Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
