Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
