For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
