help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
