We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize