You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
