either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
