I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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