Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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