so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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