Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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