When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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