Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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