so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
