I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
