I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
