Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
