Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
