omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Randomize