i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my phone needs a breathalizer
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize