I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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