Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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