she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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