you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize