Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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