Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize