I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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