I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
