You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
