I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Jerry, you need to find god
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize