She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize