My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
