I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
