I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
