i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
pray to the hookup gods
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
