I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
