OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
