Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
