The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
