If that was your dad, he is hot
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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