I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
false alarm. still invincible.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
