you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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