You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
