I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
