A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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