Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
