She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
