just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
