i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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