so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
