The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
