just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
