why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
